Some of you will be aware of my very personal story, which I shared back in September 2017.
In a nutshell, when I was nine years old, my Mum died. She had recently remarried, and her new husband received everything under the law. And he took it.
In the Telegraph’s Stella Magazine article on Sunday 23 September 2018 (which can be read here with an email address and password https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/know-bitter-experience-parents-need-make-new-will-remarry/), my story was told. Clearly, journalism is a different world, and the demand for figures, led me to say, when asked whether I would have expected to get x amount, that no I would not. Then it was proposed that they could print that I should have got x amount. No? Well what about no more than x amount. We eventually agreed on wording which I felt was not misleading, but for me, this approach missed the point.
My Mum has left me with only happy memories. Except for the dying bit, of course. She managed to squeeze a whole lifetime of love into our time together, and I will always be grateful for that.
For me, someone taking what the law allowed him to take, was unjust because it showed a total disregard for the love my Mum and I had. It cast aside our special relationship, which made me feel the centre of the universe. It put my Dad in a situation where he had to fight on my behalf, bringing negative energy into our home.
And the conclusion was, having listened to the lawyers, that my Mum’s precious youngest, at just nine years old, should get nothing. Not a penny.
I have a few theories about how on earth this could have happened. Clearly I was a child, and I can only ever have my own perspective, and each of us can surely only have an incomplete picture, but I have a very clear belief that with the right Contentious Probate lawyer on my team, rather than a High Street family lawyer, as was the way a few decades ago, the financial result would have been far better for me. A true specialist really can make a great deal of difference.
I also think that when a person is legally entitled to something, it takes a lot for them to give that up. Imagine if you got married, won the lottery, then Camelot asked you to pay some of your winnings back. It would be difficult for many people.
So, when I say it wasn’t about the money, what was it about? It was about my Mum, my loving, fun, super Mum, not expressing her beautiful unique love in death, the suggestion being that my share of her legacy was nothing. I’ve transformed that situation into the greatest legacy a person could have offered me. I have the most treasured memories anyone could ask for, which I don’t take for granted when I become aware of how some families are. I don’t ever plan to be financially dependent on anyone. Ever. I have the dream career, where I get to help people on an ongoing basis, deal with putting things in place, having the difficult conversations, supporting them in ensuring that the formalities are met and that things will be as they should be.
So, that’s what I mean when I say it’s not about the money. Because it really isn’t.
Right now, I’m 44 years young. The idea that my Mum died at the age I am now, is humbling. It’s far too young. Seriously.
My goal in writing this, welling up as I do so, is not to get your business. I’m actually on annual leave as I write this. My goal is to nudge you, to prod you, to put a rocket up your backside if that’s what you need, to make sensible arrangements for your children, your spouse, your charities, or whoever or whatever is dear to your heart. It matters.